It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
