My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im holly from the hills drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
