He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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