The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So. Much. Porn.
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