No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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