people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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