i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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