i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
