the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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