Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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