how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
