i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
