guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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