miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Randomize
