Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
