Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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