I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
