Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
