Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
