Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
