I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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