So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
