She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
