She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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