i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
