4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
