Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
