I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
