Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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