I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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