Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
