This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
