Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
