The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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