there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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