I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
