Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
