I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
