I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize