So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
