I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
