I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
