i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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