Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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