oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
