i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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