WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
