i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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