Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
