I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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