So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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